F.✱.C.K.E.M: Self-Defense Against Toxic People
Six disciplined moves to protect your peace. Practical tools. Clear language. Results you can measure.
Positioning
"This isn't self-help. This is self-defense." This is not another self-help book asking you to breathe deeper, forgive faster, or be the bigger person. This is a manual for protecting your peace, your energy, and your mind from the people who drain them.
Downloadable Assets
Quick Facts
Who This Book Is For
The Strong Friend
This book is for the strong friend. The reliable coworker. The dependable wife, mother, daughter. The woman who shows up for everyone while running on empty.
The Overlooked
It's for the woman who has smiled through disrespect, stayed past her limit, and said yes when her spirit screamed no.
Black Women
It's especially for Black women—who have been conditioned to endure rather than protect, to be strong rather than safe, to keep the peace while losing their own.
Anyone Ready to Say Enough
The framework applies to anyone who has ever been drained, diminished, or devalued by toxic people and is finally ready to say: Enough.
What Makes This Book Different
This book teaches you how to stop the damage before it starts.
Dr. Nichelle doesn't ask you to become more patient, more understanding, or easier to deal with. She gives you permission to protect yourself—fiercely, unapologetically, and without waiting for anyone else's approval.
Each chapter combines clinical expertise with practical tools: exercises, scripts, case studies from Dr. Chandler's twenty-year practice, and the hard-won wisdom of a woman who has lived what she teaches.
The Origin Story
The F.✱.C.K.E.M Framework was born the way most real things are—not in a boardroom, but in a moment of raw honesty between two friends.
One night over dinner, a close friend burst into tears, distraught over yet another toxic situation. She asked Dr. Nichelle, "How do you deal with people like this?"
"F✱ck 'em."
That moment crystallized two decades of clinical work into a framework and a mission.
But the truth is, Dr. Nichelle had been implementing F.✱.C.K.E.M with her clients long before she had a name for it.
Early in her career as a psychotherapist, she noticed something: the mindset behind traditional therapy practices didn't resonate with Black women. They didn't need to cope better. They needed to protect themselves.
So she started teaching something different. Not adjustment—armor. Not tolerance—boundaries. Not only healing from harm, but also preventing it in the first place.
She calls it emotional self-defense. And when her friend asked that desperate question, the framework finally got its name.
Listen to Dr. Chandler read the origin story:
Interview Topics
Dr. Nichelle is available for interviews on:
- Why "self-defense" is more effective than "self-help" for toxic relationships
- The hidden cost of being "the strong one"
- How toxic stress lives in the body—and what to do about it
- Why Black women respond differently to self-defense framing
- Boundaries that actually hold: what most people get wrong
- How to recognize manipulation before it takes root
- The F.✱.C.K.E.M Framework: a practical system for protecting your peace
- Workplace toxicity: when your job is the toxic relationship
About Dr. Nichelle Chandler
Dr. Nichelle Chandler, PhD, is a Dallas-based psychotherapist, professor, and entrepreneur who helps people break free from toxic relationships and the lingering impact of trauma.
As creator of the F.✱.C.K.E.M Framework she blends clinical expertise with no-nonsense, culturally grounded wisdom—especially for Black women who are tired of shrinking themselves to keep the peace.
With over twenty years of clinical experience, Dr. Chandler has watched brilliant, capable women dim their light to accommodate toxic people. She wrote F.✱.C.K.E.M to reframe "self-help" as emotional self-defense—offering practical tools to defend your mental health and reclaim your power.
She wrote the book she needed when she was falling apart quietly, while the world called her strong.
Sample Interview Questions
What made you decide to call this "self-defense" instead of "self-help"?
You dedicate a section specifically to Black women. Why was that important?
What's the biggest mistake people make when trying to set boundaries?
How do you know when a relationship is toxic versus just difficult?
What does the "F.✱.C.K.E.M" acronym actually stand for?
You talk about toxic stress living in the body. Can you explain that?
What's your advice for someone who knows they're in a toxic situation but feels stuck?
How did your own experience with toxicity shape this book?
Quotable Quotes
"Your body always keeps the receipts. And it keeps them because silence stripped you of your defenses."
"You're not abandoning people; you're abandoning pain."
"Toxic people live in your head rent-free. This is how you evict them."
"Self-defense gives Black women permission to do what many of us were never taught: to stop absorbing harm and start preventing it."
Contact & Booking
Dr. Nichelle is available for:
- Podcast interviews
- Radio and TV appearances
- Print and digital media features
- Speaking engagements and keynotes
- Corporate workshops on workplace toxicity
- Book club visits (virtual)
- Clinician training on the F.✱.C.K.E.M Framework
Get in Touch
For Media Inquiries:
Phone: (469) 939-3644
For Bulk Orders:
Organizations, book clubs, therapy practices, HR departments, and universities interested in bulk orders should contact the author directly for discounted pricing.
Review Copies:
Digital review copies available upon request for verified media, book reviewers, and influencers.